so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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