I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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