I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize