he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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