i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
