I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
