how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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