Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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