first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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