I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
