I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize