Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
