Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
