I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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