my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
