I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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