i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
