i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
