the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
