piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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