I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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