Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
