If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
