So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
