so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
