you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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