Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
