After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
