just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
