i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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