I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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