Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
