...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
