I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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