We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Oh god it's open bar.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
