you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
