How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
