I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
