Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize