he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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