I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
