I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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