Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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