last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
high people should be assigned attendants
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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