he was CRYING into my vagina
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
