Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
