i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
