I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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