see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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