i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Randomize
