did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize