Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
