So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she told me i tasted like america
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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