i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
