i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
