So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
