just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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