Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dicks are not precious.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
