The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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