I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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