His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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