I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just tell him i said nine months
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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