you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
