I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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