Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
