your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
