Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
