dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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