Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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